


Take Me As I am

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Het, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Orgy, Points of View, Romance, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-21
Updated: 2007-06-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 00:48:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12070347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: The year is 1989 Brian is the bad boy and Justin is just beginning to discover who he is.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes:

Lot’s of thanks to my wonderful Beta Kris.

* * *

Justin’s POV 

Pittsburgh 1989

I lie on my back on Daphne’s bed and let my thoughts wander as I look around her small room, studying the heavy metal posters that cover almost every inch of the wood paneled walls. God I love her room. Daphne is so free and able to be herself. Her grandmother doesn’t have much money, but their home is always filled with love and understanding.

Being raised in my Bible belt family I have never really known how to be free, but now finally, for once in my life I am acting like the seventeen year old I should be. I‘ve finally found an outlet for my frustrations by rebelling against my straight laced family. I‘ve discovered drinking, smoking and listing to heavy metal music is just the escape that I‘ve so sorely needed. It’s everything my mother despises and that makes it all the better.

My eyes wander over to one of the pictures above Daphne’s bed and I feel my breath catch in my throat as I stare lustfully at Paul Stanley’s deep penetrating brown eyes. His gaze pierces into my soul, making my cock hard as a rock. God, I have always found him to be attractive, but now as I look at the photo, I find my thoughts wandering to Brian Kinney. My breath catches in my throat as I think of how gorgeous he looked in home room today. 

His long chestnut hair was damp from the rain and he walked in the room shaking his head and taking off his denim Motley Crue jacket, revealing his black ‘Shout at the Devil’ t-shirt that clung tightly to his chest. His torn Levis hugged him just as tightly, accentuating his well endowed cock. I turn my head quickly, hoping he did not see me looking at his cock. He flops down in the chair next to me, kicking his feel up on his desk and I‘m instantly drawn in to his scent of cigarette smoke and whisky. I inhale deeply, trying to control my cock from putting me into a very embarrassing circumstance.

Every day it is becoming more and more difficult to keep my feelings hidden deep inside. I have loved Brian from the moment I saw him almost four years ago, but I can’t tell him how I feel. I know he does not do relationships, and as far as I know he is as straight as they come, but lately I have noticed the subtle looks he has given me. It makes me wonder if he is maybe gay or bi. I feel so alone with my secret sometimes. I am gay and no one knows. I wish I could talk to someone about it. There have been so many time I have wanted to tell Daphne, but I’m not sure if she will understand. We have been friends for so long that keeping this a secret is tearing me apart.

I am startled when I feel a tap on my forehead and I look up to see Daphne hovering over me with a mischievous grin on her face. “Hey, daydreamer.”

I chuckle softly. “You caught me”

She climbs over me, accidentally brushing her leg across my erection. She lays down next to me, smirking. “So, are you going to tell me what your are thinking about, and who has given you that huge boner?”

I feel a blush spreading across my cheeks. “No.”

She pouts and then pretends to cry. “My best friend hates me. He can’t even talk to me.” She sighs loudly then speaks dramatically. “No, no, let’s not talk to Daphne, she may actually listen to me.” Before she can finish her theatrical statement she begins to crack up laughing.

I throw my pillow at her teasingly. “Fuck you.”

Her face suddenly grows serious. “You know that’s not funny, Justin. I have offered to be your first.” She laughs again “ God, I so can’t be serious for a minute, can I?” She flops down on the bed. “So, who is she?

“Who is who?”

“Well Duh! The girl who has your thoughts wound up so tight, not to mention your jeans that are about to bust at the seems,” she giggles.

I rolls my eyes dramatically. “There is no girl.”

“Yeah right, Fine! There is no girl.” She reaches over me and turns on her stereo, flopping back down on the bed singing along to “Lick it Up” by Kiss. I look back up at the poster of Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons, letting the music vibrate through me, and I know it is now or never. Casually I turn onto my side and look into my best friends eyes. “I think Paul Stanley is to die for.”

She gasps, and then a bright smile crosses her lips as her eyes twinkle at me. She sits up clapping. “Oh my God! You finally, totally, just came out to me!”

“You mean it doesn’t freak you out?”

“Fuck, why would it freak me out?”

I sigh in relief. “I don’t know, maybe because he’s a guy.”

“So, what’s the big fucking deal? I mean, I like guys.” 

I laugh and then tap her on forehead. “Hello, you’re a girl. You’re supposed to like guys.”

She shrugs her shoulders. “So? You’re a gay boy and you’re supposed to like boys too. All this means is we have that much more in common. We can totally talk about our hot, lusty crushes. She flops back down on her bed and stares up at the poster. “God, Gene Simmons is so fucking hot!” Her voice becomes dreamy. “Have you ever thought of what that man can do with his tongue? God he makes me so horny just thinking about him licking and flicking at my clit and doing so much more.”

I shiver at the thought. “Oh, That’s just gross, Daphne! I so did not want to hear about your pussy.” I shove my elbow in her side playfully. But then again, the thought of Paul’s lips around my cock does sound nice.”   


“Orgasmic even,“ she giggles. “Oh my God! That is just an amazing visual. I am so going to think about that the next time I masturbate.”

“Ewww! Daph, that’s sick!” I sit up and look down at her. I am amazed that she is okay with me being Gay and didn’t make a big deal about it. I lean down and kiss her lightly on the forehead. 

She smiles brightly. “What was that for?”

“ For not freaking out and still being my friend.” I lay back down turning towards her.

“Of course I’m your friend. Nothing will change that. I can see that you are so keeping something from me, though. So now that I know for sure it’s not a she…who is he?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

I sigh heavily. “Brian Kinney.”

She gasps and I am perplexed by the range of distressing emotions that play across her face. It starts with sadness, then confusion, and finally amusement. “No way, he is like totally a stoner, and a slut, may I add.” It oddly seems to hurt for her to say those thing about him. I wonder why she would have so many emotions concerning him.

I shrug away the thought and defend Brian. “He’s really sweet . I’ve gotten to know him, and I can talk to him honestly. He respects my point of view and I respect his.”

“He is totally straight.”

“Are you sure?”

“Come on, Justin, have you seen those skanks that drape themselves all over him. You know it’s only because he has a big cock and gives them what they want.”

I bite my lover lip and feel the heat rising in my cheeks. “ I never noticed the size of his cock, is it really big?” 

She bumps my shoulder with hers. “Liar, even I’ve noticed his dick. Oh God, and when he gets a boner in class, it‘s so breathtaking.” I chuckle softly at her description and then she looks at me seriously. “Oh, he’s hot alright, but totally wrong for you.”

I feel my heart breaking knowing Daphne doesn’t completely approve of Brian for me. I swallow hard and confess my true feelings. “I think I’m in love with him, Daph. He seems to really get me when I talk. He listens and I know he shares things with me he usually wouldn’t with his stoner friends”

She bites her lower lip and I can see the concern in her eyes. “Then I guess the only thing you can do is follow your heart and ask him out, see what he says.”

“Are you okay with that? I can tell the idea of me liking him upsets you.“

She clears her throat. “No, it’s not that. I just worry about you, and as your best friend,” she smiles. “I have to make sure everyone you date is worthy of your time.“

I smile back at her. “What if when I tell him he freaks out on me or fucking outs me to the whole school?”

“One thing I know about Brian Kinney, besides him being a slut and stoner. He’s honest, kind and I will admit, misunderstood. I judge him and I know I shouldn’t. I’ve just known Brian longer than you have. That doesn’t make my feelings right, and you shouldn’t let them affect how you feel. “I nod in understanding and she continues. “I have seen you two talk, and he does seem to respect you and your opinions. I do not think he would out you at all. I am just worried about you getting involved with someone with that kind of lifestyle.”

“He’s a good guy.”

I know he Is. Don’t listen to what I say, I’m just a fickle girl.” She giggles and reaches past me, grabbing the phone. “You should call him.” I shake my head and she laughs as she dials in his phone number, then puts the receiver to my ear. 

I sigh heavily and feel extremely nervous when I hear his voice on the other end of the line. “Hello?”

I clear my throat and try to speak but nothing comes out. “Is anyone there?” 

Finally I am able to croak out; “Brian?”

His voice sounds so sensual and breathy. “Justin?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I’m just hanging at Daphne’s listing to music.”

“Oh, anything good?”

“Kiss”

“Wow really?” I can hear the amusement in his tone. “I thought you only listen to the Bible shit or Depeche Mode.”

I feel myself getting slightly angry. “I don’t listen to Bible shit, and I can listen to Kiss and Depeche Mode both. If I like them, why should it matter?”

He chuckles lightly over the phone. “I’m only fuckin’ with you, Sunshine. You don’t have to defend yourself with me. I think it’s cool you’re listening to the finer music of our generation.”

I smile at his words. “Really?”

“Yeah really.”

“Cool.”

Brian chuckles softly and his voice sounds rather seductive and I know I must be hearing things. “So Justin, did you just call to talk about music are was there something else on your mind?”

“Um… I just …I um Just wanted to say hi.”

I can hear him smirking over the phone if that’s possible. “You only called to say hi? Why do I not believe you?” I feel completely flustered and it does not help that Daphne is giggling next to me.

He laughs good naturedly. “I hear Daphne in the background. If you’re calling to find out thing about me for Daphne let her know I’m not interested. She’s not my type.”   


I swallow hard. “That’s not why I called… I mean I’m not calling for Daphne.” 

“Oh?”

“I just wanted to say hi, but now I am wondering why Daphne’s not your type. I mean she’s a pretty hot number. If she’s not your type, then who is.” Daphne bites her lip and laughs at my antics. 

I am startled when Brian clears his throat. “Well Justin, it was nice talking with you but I need to go.”

“Wait, you didn’t answer my question. Who‘s your type?”

Brian sighs heavily over the phone and whispers, “you are.” Then he hangs up

I sit there for a moment just holding the phone in stunned silence. Finally I hang up and flop on the bed next to my best friend with a goofy grin plastered on my face.

Daphne nudges me “So what did he say?”

I can’t help but chuckle and turn to her “He said that I’m his type.”

“No?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my God, he is soooo in like with you. I’m happy for you Justin. I hope it works out for you two. ”

“Me too.”

“Justin?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for being a bitch earlier about Brian and I want you to know I am cool about you liking him. He really is a good guy.”

“It‘s okay, I know you’re just being a friend, and I understand your concerns.”

“You know I love you right?”

I nod my head and kiss her forehead. “I love you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: Lot's of thanks to my beta Kris.  


* * *

Brian’s POV

The smell of Marijuana lingers in my room as I lay on my bed relaxing, and jacking off to gay porn. As usual my mind eventually wanders to Justin. God, he looked so hot at school today. He‘s starting to grow out his hair, and the blond locks look so sexy slightly covering over his ears, and hanging just almost in his eyes. Those blue orbs that seem to search deep into my soul, and I often feel he can see the real me. Not the persona I let others see. 

I feel my cock growing when I think of the hard on he was sporting when he was checking me out this morning. I thrust rapidly in my hand trying to get off so I can stop thinking about him. I need him so bad in my life and I am confused by my lesbionic thoughts. I do not trust many people in my life, yet there is something different about Justin. I find myself talking to him about things I wouldn’t tell my own friends. 

I am drawn out of my thoughts when I hear the phone ringing. Fuck! I really don’t want to answer it. With my luck it will be one of those skanks who hang all over me at school. I shudder at the thought and instantly lose my hard on, groaning in dissatisfaction . 

Finally I roll over and grab the phone, getting annoyed when no one answers. Then I hear Justin speak and I’m pleasantly surprised to hear from him, he sounds so nervous which I find endearing. When I hear Daphne Giggling in the background I know beyond a shadow of a doubt there is more to his call than just saying hi. I have so many emotions and feelings coursing through me that it is making it difficult for me to express my true feelings to him. 

Playfully I tease him, trying to distract his thoughts. I have a strong feeling that he wants to ask me out. I have known for a long time Justin was interested in me and if I would stop lying to myself I would come to terms about how I feel about him too. It’s just that I know somewhere down the road I will hurt him. I don’t do relationships and I have my parents to thank for that. Their marriage alone is enough to make anyone avoid love at any cost.

I’m stunned that I admitted to Justin that he is my type. The words and meaning behind them scare me so much that I’m not sure what to do now. “Fuck!” I growl to my empty room. What the hell have I done? More than anything I want to go over to Daphne’s, take Justin in my arms and kiss him passionately, but I can’t. I won’t lead him on or hurt him like I know I will. I stand up and walk over to my dresser, pulling out the bottle of Jim Bean I snagged from Dad’s liquor cabinet. Drinking directly from the bottle I gasp as the harsh liquid burns my throat, numbing my thoughts away from Justin,. But it seems like the more I try to forget him, the more I begin to think of him. 

I stumble to my bed laughing at my own fucked up situation. Taking another gulp from the bottle I feel the warm liquid seep through my veins and I no longer wonder why it is such a big deal to be in love with Justin. Standing up I quickly get dressed, grabbing my pack of cigarettes and a lighter, I put them in my pocket. Despite my inebriated state I climb out of the window. I know where Daphne lives because we have fucked a couple times. I don’t think Justin knows, nor do I want him to. It’s not like it meant anything more to me than a fuck. She needed me and I wanted to be there for her. Years ago Daphne use to be my best friend, and when I saw she was in pain all I wanted to do was help her through it the only way I know how.

“Fuck, why am I defending myself to myself?”

I stumble down the road a couple of blocks until I see Daphne’s grandmother’s little house. I let myself in the gate and head to the back of the house. I always laugh at the thought that she has her own door to her bedroom, makes things a little too convenient if you ask me.

As I draw closer to the door I find myself sobering up and wondering if this was a good idea. I rake my hands through my hair. Fuck! I can’t believe I’m here. Why in the hell did I ever think this was a good idea? I lean up against the side of the house and take out a cigarette. I light it and inhale deeply, feeling the smoke in my lungs relaxing my nerves. I can hear the familiar sound of heavy metal music drifting from the open window. I listen closely and I can hear Justin and Daphne talking and laughing and I feel almost guilty for eaves dropping 

I hear Justin tell Daphne he loves me. Shit the little fucker loves me! I have never had anyone feel that way about me. Most people only want me for what I can give them; that moment of blissful satisfaction.

I learned life’s hard lesson when I was fourteen on that fateful day I let my soccer coach fuck me in the showers. I thought he loved me, but he was like every other adult I know; he could not get rid of me fast enough. He got his rocks off and then put me down, calling me a slutty kid and telling me all I was good for was fucking. He told me no one would want me for anything else. How in the hell could I be a slut? It was my first time. I remember running home, crying from the pain of sex and the pain in my heart, but I showed him. Now I definitely live up to his expectation and no one will ever want me now that I am tainted and used for others; gratification. But it’s okay, I don’t mind because I know I could never be the person that could honestly love someone in a monogamies relationship, even if I wanted to. It would break my heart if I ever hurt someone like my father hurts my mother or how my soccer coach hurt me. “Shit” I mutter under my breath. Why in the hell am I here pining over Justin, having all these lesbian thoughts about him? 

Suddenly I realize I shouldn’t be here. There is nothing I can give him, and I know I don’t want to hurt him. With a heavy heart I drop my cigarette on the ground, stepping on it, and then I start to walk away. 

I am startled out of my thoughts when I hear the door open and Daphne growls at me. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

I turn around and look her directly in the eye and I can see she is in protective mode. “I shouldn’t be here.”

She closes the door and walks up to me, her face softening a little. “Why do you think you shouldn’t be here?”

“Just forget about it, it was a bad idea for me to come here.”

She scrunches up her nose. “Why are you here exactly?” When I don’t answer she points at me and says sternly. “I’ll tell you one thing Mister. Whatever happened between you and I last year can’t happen again! My heart can’t take it, plus it was a mistake and I can’t do that to Justin.”

I am confused by her words. Her heart can’t take what? What wouldn’t she be able to handle? I thought she knew the score. I sigh heavily, shaking my head and now realize why things seemed more strained between us after the last time we fucked. “What does that have to do with Justin?”

“Are you that daft? he loves you Brian. I’m not stupid I know you like him too or you wouldn’t be here right now.”

I try to avoid her words of reason. “How did you know I was out here anyway?” 

She laughs. “Well, duh, I saw you walk past my window, plus I could smell your cigarettes through my open window. It doesn’t take a genius to know you were outside.”

“Does Justin know I’m here.?“

“No, his back was to the window.”

“So are you saying he’s not a genius?” I smirk

She slaps me playfully. “Fuck you, and you’re changing the subject. You know that was not what I meant.”

“I Know.”

She turns to walk to the garage, and then she turns back looking at me pointedly. “I am going to the garage to get some beers. Promise me something? Don’t hurt him. If that’s your plan you can keep on walking home, but if you like him, I mean really like him get your ass in my room and talk to him.” 

Daphne’s POV

When Justin said he needed to piss I took that as my opportunity to go talk to Brian. Deep in my heart I knew he would come here tonight. I take one more glance at him and I see him hesitate at my bedroom door then walk in. I close my eyes tightly and pray I did the right thing.

As I get to the garage I feel my resolve crumbling. I lean my head against the refrigerator and feel the tears drift down my cheek when I think of the night a year ago that Brian and I first had sex. Before that point it had been one of the worst day’s of my life. I was in sixth period when I was called outside of the class to find out my grandfather had passed away. I was so broken. My grandfather was my best friend in many ways, and to hear he died so suddenly of a heart attack tore me apart. I remember walking back into the classroom to get my backpack. Brian’s chair was right next to mine and he gently touched my arm, asking if I was okay. I shook my head no and left without a word.

That night I laid in my room feeling so fucking alone. I heard the knock on my bedroom door, and when I opened it I was surprised to see Brian standing there with so much concern in his eyes. Not many people know that Brian and I use to be really close friends. I’m not even sure what happened to our friendship, but it was shortly after his fourteenth birthday that he became distant. I could see all this pain and sorrow in his perfect hazel eyes that was tearing him apart. I know his home life was no good, but this was different. It was like someone broke his heart and soul. He started making up these ridiculous rules and hanging around with a rougher crowd..

When I saw him at my door that night my heart soared and I realized that no matter how much our lives had changed I knew he was still there for me. I remember just sinking into his embrace when I told him my Grandpa died. I felt his tears on my cheek as mine blended with his. 

That night he helped me to forget my pain. Sometimes I regret that we had sex, because I miss him and our friendship so much. The first time we had sex was out of grief. The next time I went to his house and I’m not even sure why I went there. Part of me fell in love with him the night we were together, and I think the second time I was trying to regain what we once had as friends, but it was just putting a bigger wedge between us. I loved him so much and I knew he could and would never give me anything more than sex.

I never knew Brian was gay, though. I’m not sure how I could have missed it, but when I saw him a moment ago it was all so clear to me. I just hope he is able to break his stupid rules and let himself love Justin. I could tell after seeing the love in both of their eyes that they need each other.

I open the refrigerator, grab three beers and set them on the counter. I jump up on the counter and sit down, dangling my feet while I wait for Brian and Justin to talk.


	3. Chapter 3

Brian’s POV

As I walk into Daphne’s room I am instantly bombarded with so many emotions. This place holds so many memories; some good and some bad. I am slightly relieved to see that no one is here. 

I sit down on her bed reflecting on our shared past. I hate that I pushed her away when I was 14, and now that I’m 18 you would think I could be man enough to own up to my mistakes. It’s difficult knowing how much our sleeping together really hurt her. I never even realized until now. Shit how could I have been so stupid to even come here that night, and cause her even more pain after her grandfather passed away. 

I thought everything was okay between us when she came to my house a couple days later and we slept together again. I had no idea she had fallen in love with me. I remember telling her it was just a fuck, something to help her feel good and help her cope with life around her. At the time she said she understood and even agreed. God I am such a shit! 

I realize now that I pushed her away because I wanted to protect her from all the torment and bullshit in my own life. I was using drugs, alcohol and sex to escape my own pain and I knew she was better than that.

I look over at her dresser and I see a picture frame that I know once held a photo of Daphne, her grandparents and me from our trip to California the summer before my fourteenth birthday. I stand and pick it up, noticing instantly that the picture is bent in half, only showing Daphne and her grandparents. My heart aches knowing she has erased me so completely from her life. Without hesitation I open the back of the frame taking the picture out and unfolding it. I feel my emotions stirring when I think of how close we were back then I used to be able to tell her everything. Well everything except the part where I am gay, and let my coach fuck me. 

She seems so cool about Justin being gay. In fact she is encouraging me to talk to him and to figure things out.

***********************************************************

Justin’s POV

On my way to the restroom I heard Daphne open her bedroom door and growl at someone. I couldn’t wait to get back and see what all the commotion was about. Unfortunately it took me awhile to get back. Her grandmother asked me to help her move the sofa. She said she was tired of how the living room looked. I was glad to help her since she has been so amazing to me. She lets me stay the night when my mom is working her midnight shifts at the hospital. 

When we are done moving the sofa she thanks me and I kiss her on the cheek, causing her to smile brightly. Then I make my way back to Daph’s Room. “Hey Daph, who in the hell were you barking at in here?” I am startled when hazel eyes meet mine and Daphne is nowhere in sight. “Brian, what are you doing here?”

He smiles and speaks softly. “I’m here to see you.”

I can’t help but return the smile. “I hope you’re here to see me in a positive, life affirming way.”

He looks at me slyly, and then chuckles. “Yes,” he smirks. “I think it is, anyway.” 

 

I nod and walk closer to him, suddenly noticing the photo he is holding. Part of me is angry at him for invading my friend’s privacy, but then I see the torment in his eyes and they reflect the same emotions that I see in Daphne’s, whenever she looks at that photo.. 

I’ve asked Daphne many times about the person from her past that she is avoiding. I remember the first time I asked her, she smiled sadly and told me it was just an old friend. She never told me who it was. I look at Brian and then down at the picture, and am absolutely stunned to see a younger Brian with his arm around Daphne. I have so many questions, but I know now may not be the best time to ask I clear my throat and take the photo from Brian, studying it closer. He watches me intensely and all I can say is, “I had no idea you and Daphne use to be friends.”

I can see the tears threatening to form in his eyes as he chokes back his emotions. “Best friends.” He take the photo from my hand and carefully places it back in the frame without bending it back.

I can see how much he misses her and I know in my heart that Daphne misses him too or she wouldn’t have reacted so strongly when I told her who I liked. Tenderly I caress my fingertips across Brian’s cheek. “I’m sorry Brian, I didn’t know.”

He smiles sadly and then covers my hand with his. “Sorry is bullshit. Besides, you have no reason to apologize. It’s in the past.“

I can see the flood of emotions and pain cross over his face. “Do you miss her?” I ask. I’m not sure why I’m asking something I already know in my heart to be true.

He swallows hard, and then replies, “yes.” He closes his eyes for a moment, looking deep in thought. When he opens them and I can see affection and confusion in his eyes, as he gently cups my chin in his hand. He tenderly brushes his thumb over my lips and clears his throat. “I’m not here to talk about the past. I’m here to talk about what I said on the phone earlier.”

I nod my head in understanding. “I was hoping that was why you were here. So is it true, am I your type?”

He looks at me intensely and I become nervous, wondering if he is here to tell me to fuck off, or just to let me down easy. I’m startled when I feel his lips firmly upon mine and a gentle hand caressing the side of my neck, then glide over my shoulder and down my back. 

My breath hitches in my throat. This is the first time a man has ever kissed me or touch me in such an intimate manner. My lips and body feel numb and tingly all at once as his soft lips move against mine. My heart beats fast when I feel my cock become hard. In a moment of passion I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, deepening the kiss. 

A gasp escapes my lips when Brian rests the palm of his hand at the base of my spine, his fingers lightly touching my ass. I can feel him smile as he snakes his tongue into my mouth. The kiss is filled with passion and fervent desire. When Brian begins to pull away from our kiss I become a little anxious, and fearful that this may be all there ever will be between us, and I can’t let this end; not yet. What if he changes his mind and wants to walk away from me? In a moment of pure desperation I knead my fingers into the back of his neck, bringing his lips back to mine, kissing him even harder. I am pleasantly surprised to hear him moan, and then I feel his hand firmly cup my ass as he pulls me even closer to him. I groan loudly when I feel his hard cock against me. Instinctively, I wrap my other arm around his back, moving my own hand to his ass and squeezing ever so slightly as I plunge my tongue deeper into his mouth. He thrusts his tongue against mine again as our moans blend into each other. 

I am startled when Brian tears himself away from me, panting, with a look of approval and maybe some concern on his face. “Fuck!” I raise my brow at him to explain his statement, and he chuckles softly, kissing me again, this time chastely on the lips. He draws back with a smirk on his face. “Who would have thought little Justy Taylor, who use to bring his bible to school, could kiss like a rabid beast?” 

I slap him playfully. “Fuck you! I never brought my bible to school.” He raises his brow at me and I sheepishly hold my arms up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I used to bring my Bible to school. I’m suck a fucking dork.”

He shakes his head and speaks softly. “You’re not a dork, you just have strong conviction. That’s one of the reasons I value your friendship so much.” He swallows hard and I can see how difficult it is for him to say this to me. I have never seen him look so vulnerable before as he continues to speak. “We both have strong convictions. Granted, mine are at the other end of the spectrum, but strong just the same.” He steps out of our embrace and runs his hands through his long chest nut hair. “Fuck! What the fuck are we doing, Justin? I can’t do this to you. I can’t hurt you.”

His words hit me hard and I close my eyes for a moment. I know he is trying to protect me, from himself, but what he doesn’t understand is that I know him better than he knows himself. “Who say’s I’ll let you hurt me?”

He steps close to me, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and he speaks with intensity in his voice. “It’s unavoidable, Justin. I know nothing about relationships. Fuck, I have never had one before.” He shakes his head. “Sure I fucked guys, and yes I’ve fucked girls.” He scrunches up his nose. “But I have never fucked a man I care about, let alone have a relationship.” 

I feel my heart slowly breaking and I look down at he floor, not wanting to see, or hear, his rejection. I feel Brian softly cup his hand under my chin again, raising it so I can look at him. “I care about you too much, Justin. I don’t want to lose our friendship over this. I can talk to you about things I can’t tell anyone else.” He steps away again. “Fuck!” 

His voice is filled with so many emotions as he continues. “ I even told you about that time my freshman year when I knocked that girl Jenny up. I didn’t love her. Shit, I didn’t even like her, but when she came and told me she had a fucking abortion , and it was my child, it tore me apart. I know I wouldn’t have made a good father. But the point is I had no choice, she didn’t even asked me. If I had known I would have done something to try and make a life for the child. At the very least I would have supported her through her pregnancy and we could have had someone adopt him or her. “No one, and I mean no one, knows how much that ripped me apart, but you. You’re the only one I can talk to about things like that. You’re the only one who knows the deepest desires of my heart. “ He looks so open and vulnerable as he quickly turns away from me. “I can’t lose that.”

I am so stunned by everything that has just happened that it does not dawn on me right away that he is leaving, until I see his hand on the doorknob. Quickly, I move to him, laying my hand on his shoulder. “Brian, please don’t go.”

He doesn’t turn to look at me, but I can see his shoulders slump. “Justin, don’t.”

Hastily, I turn him around, and he glares at me with a stunned expression, but stays quiet while I start to speak my heart. ”If you don’t want to hurt me, why are you hurting me now by walking away?” He turns his head away as not to look at me. I grab his chin more harshly than I planned to and stare into his beautiful hazel eyes. “Don’t you dare fucking look away from me now. I want an answer, Brian.”

He pushes me away. “Jesus fucking Christ! What is your problem? I already told you I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then why do I feel you’re holding something back from me?”

“Just drop it, Justin,” he growls.

“No.”

He runs his fingers through his hair then whispers so softly I can barely hear him. “I don’t want to get hurt, okay.” I’m surprised how much of himself he just now exposed 

to me.

“Brian, are you that daft? I love you”’

“You don’t love me, Justin, you can’t possibly even know what love is. You are way too young.”

“I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. You have no idea how much it means to me that you have confided things to me that you wouldn’t trust anyone else with. I can’t promise we won’t get hurt, but I want to try. I want to show you how much I love you.”

Brian’s gulps heavily then a slight smile graces his lips. “Are you sure?”

Unexpectedly I feel the cool breeze from the open door and Daphne’s voice rings through the room. “Will you two fucking do it and get it over with already? I’m getting cold out in that fucking garage.” She winks at me then places a cold beer in my hand and then hands one to Brian. He thanks her and wraps his hand around the back of my neck, kissing me tenderly. When he draws back he smiles and speaks softly. “I’m not sure if I can ever say it, but I hope to in time.”

Daphne sits on her bed and sighs. “Well it’s about time you two got that straightened out.” She looks up, surprised by her own words and laughs “I meant that as a figure of speech, not that you’re straight.”

I am thankful to hear Brian laugh as he brings me into a tight embrace. “No more drama princess moments, okay?”

I Grin up at him. “I promise, as long as you don’t have any more asshole moments.”

He nuzzles his head in my neck then speaks huskily in my ear. “Well, with the way you kissed me earlier I have a feeling you may like my asshole.”

Gently I caress his cheek and smile at his comment. He takes my hand and leads us over to where Daphne is sitting. He sits down and guides me to sit in between his legs, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close.

Daphne takes a drink of her beer and grins at us expectantly. “So, does this mean you’re, like, seeing each other?”

I look back at Brain and he gently brushes my hair out of my eyes and nods his head as he leans down and softly kisses me on the cheek.

****************************************************************

Daphne’s POV

I am pleased to see Brian kiss Justin cheek, and I can fell that they have something special between them, despite my earlier reservations. I’ll be damned if I will let either one of those boys ruin this for me. I mean, hello, a girl’s got to have some kind of fantasy life, and seeing them together is making my mind and hormones go overtime. I am startled out of my little daydream when I hear Grandma knocking on my open Bedroom door. I can’t help but admire how well she takes care of herself, even in her sixties grams is a pretty good looking chick. Her mocha skin and dark curly hair that touches her shoulders, gives her an almost exotic look. But what I love most about my grandma is that she is sassy as hell. I think that‘s where I get it from. 

She watches us for a moment and there is an amused expression upon her face. I wave at her.“ Hi, Grams.”

She winks at me then playfully growls. “You kids snagging my beer again?”

I hold up the bottle and smile mischievously. “Cheers?”

Grams chuckles softly. “ Just be careful, you three.” We all nod our heads in understanding. “I’ll bring in some extra blankets so you can sleep here. She looks at Brian intensely and then realization sets in. “Brian, is that you sweetheart?”

He smiles brightly. “Yeah, Grams, it’s me.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. I haven’t seen you in a long time. Look at you, all grown up and handsome. She points to her cheek “You better get over here and give me some sugar before I’m too old to enjoy it.” She chuckles again. My Grams is such a flirt, and everyone falls for it, but I know better. If she was young she would be chasing these boys, trying to make them straight, just for a night of course.

Justin playfully jumps up and sits on my lap and kisses my cheek, then turn to Brian. “You better go give Grams some sugar, Brian. These women love that shit.” I can’t help but laugh, and then take advantage of his bubble butt sitting on me. I give him a good swat on the behind.

Justin cries out in mock pain, then rubs his ass as he sticks his tongue out at me. “Not fair.” Brian stands up, and also swats Justin’s ass. Justin looks at him in shock. “What the fuck was that for?”

Brian laughs good naturedly . “Because you’re being a twat.”

Brian then walks over and kisses Grams softly on the cheek, and she take him into a warm embrace. “Damn, I have missed you boy. You look good.”

He blushes and it amazes me that Grams, of all people, can make him blush. “Well, well I bet you’re beating the boys off with a stick these days. You are so handsome.”

We all looked at her, stunned, and Brian gasps. “How did you know that I‘m gay?”

Well one big clue was that fine young man who was just sitting on your lap. That was you kissing him, wasn’t it?

“Yeah, it was.”

“Good. I think you two look great together.” I know my mouth is still open wide in shock. I have always known my Grams is cool, but she never ceases to amaze me. I glance at Brian and Justin and they both seem to be in as much shock as I am. Grams chuckles softly. “Now don’t look at me all surprised. I maybe be old, but I’m still rather hip. You kids are young yet, and you have your whole lives ahead of you. Enjoy every moment you can, and forgive each other for your past mistakes. Never hide who you are, but embrace your individuality.” She points here finger at us. “Because if you don‘t, you will regret it for the rest of your life.” She sighs heavily. “I know I regret a lot in my life. I am ashamed to say I lived a lie for many years” She turns and looks me directly in the eye. “Daphne, I loved and respected your grandfather very much, but he was not my true love.” She pauses for a moment to gather her thoughts . “My true love’s name was Vivian.”

I have no words to say as I listen to my grandmother’s confession. I feel completely numb, but Brian seems to have the courage to say what I wanted to. “You were in love with a woman?” 

She nods her head and whispers. “I still am, even though it’s been forty years, or more, she still holds a special place in my heart.” Grams pats Brian’s cheek, then reaches her hand out to Justin. He stands and walks over to her. She holds both of their hands in hers and looks to Brian. “I know it’s hard for you to admit you care for anyone, let alone love them. Do me a favor and enjoy each other. Don’t let anyone else interfere with how you feel for each other. Let me tell you, no one else matters. Yes, people will give you shit, and they will say hateful things, but when it all comes down to it, none of their scorn or malice are worth your time, as long as you have faith in each other.”

She lets go of their hands and wipes a stray tear from her eyes. “I‘m sorry I got all emotional on you kids. I just see how much the world is changing, and I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes I did.”

 

Brian sits back down on the bed guiding Justin to sit on his lap, and I can see he has taken Gram’s words to heart. “What happened between you and Vivian? How come you’re not together now?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Things were different back in my day. Vivian married George and...”

Before Grandma can finish her thought, it dawns on me. “Aunt Viv?”

Grams nods her head. “You know she’s not really your aunt. That’s just what you have always called her. We’ve been good friends for years, even if we are no longer romantically involved.”

Justin seems to be lost in thought and I can see his own emotions coming to surface. “I bet it’s so hard loving your best friend and never being able to be with her.”

She closes her eyes. “It is difficult on us, but we have sworn we won’t cross that line as long as she is with her husband.” She wipes away another stray tear. “Anyway, you don’t need to hear the love woes of an old lady. I came in to ask if you all could help me move that old desk from the living room out to the garage.

***************************

After we are done helping Grams I make my way back to my room I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head from learning about Gram’s past, and all the words of wisdom she shared with us today. 

I am drawn out of my thoughts when I see that the picture in the frame on my dresser is unfolded. I feel my own emotions welling up in my chest as I walk over and pick it up. God, I miss Brian so much. Part of me hopes now that Brian and Justin are together that Brian and I could be friends again. I’m not sure if it’s possible, or if I can forgive him. His sudden abandonment of me still feels fresh and painful. 

I am startled out of my thoughts when I feel a hand cover over mine and a gentle kiss on my cheek. I turn around to face Brian, and he smiles at me, but I can see sadness in his eyes. I know at that moment that I’m willing to give him a second chance.

“What was the kiss for?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I heard that you women love that kind of shit.”

I can’t help but chuckle, and then I look down at the photo and back up at him. “Why did you take the picture out?”

He takes it from my hand and looks at it. “You shouldn’t have cut me out like that. It was a special day and you should never forget it, or me.”

I feel myself getting angry. “You’re the asshole who walked out of our friendship without an explanation.”

He looks away and mumbles. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s bullshit, Brian. You don’t do sorry. I want to know why.”

“Daphne.” He says my name in a warning tone. “I’m not ready to talk about it; not yet. I guarantee when I do it will be with you and Justin, but for now just know I was messed up. I still am, honestly. I didn’t want to take you down with me. I was fucked up, and it had nothing to do with you.”

I sigh, knowing that‘s all I‘ll get out of him for now. “Id like to put it all behind us and try to be friends again.”

He takes me into a warm embrace. “Me too.”


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes:

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get a new chapter up. There have been several unfortunate things in my life that prevented me from writing anything decent. I am hoping all will be calm now so I can continue this story without too much interruption. Thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read this, and I would also like to thank everyone who has left reviews. It means a lot to me to hear feedback from the readers…Hugs Doll

Many thanks to my wonderful and understanding beta, Kris… I love you girl.

* * *

Justin's POV

I watch as Brian and Daphne embrace, putting their past behind them. I know their problems aren't all resolved but I think it's all good for now. I'm still really curious as to what came between them in the first place, but I know in time everything will be revealed. 

I sneak into the room and wrap my arms around both of them and call out, "Group hug!" 

Brian wraps his arm around my lower back and laughs against my cheek, his warm breath sending shivers through out my whole body. 

Daphne also laughs playfully as she slaps my chest. "You're such a goofball, Justin."

I pull away and place a hand on my face in mock horror. "Me, a goofball? You can't possibly be talking about me!"

She smiles brightly and kisses my cheek. "Yes, you, and you know I love it."

"Well, you better or I'll just have to find a new best friend." I mischievously stick my tongue out at her.

She shakes her head, biting her lower lip, and trying to suppress the smile I see about to grace her lips. She finally gives up and laughs, as she playfully pushes me away. "Fuck you!"

Brian draws me into a more intimate embrace, then smirks at Daphne. "Sorry Daph, that is just out of the question. You are so not his type, but I certainly am." 

My heart melts at his words then he kisses me passionately, making me catch my breath, and my cock hard, as his tongue slides against mine. He places his palm on my lower back drawing me in closer so I can feel his own hard cock pressed against me. I gasp and draw back from him.

Brian smirks, "Feel good?"

"You have no idea."

He laughs good naturedly and pats my ass. "I think I have some idea." He devourers my lips again in a smoldering kiss, and then we are both startled out of our intimate moment when we hear Daphne clear her throat. 

We both turn to catch the slightly amused expression on her face. "Do you need me to leave the room so you can fuck?"

I think about it for a moment and as much as I want and need Brian, I know I am not ready to jump into this relationship so fast. When Brian and I are together for the first time I want it to be special I know it may sound like a lesbian thing to say, but that's how I feel. I want it to be forever.

Brian gently cups my chin and looks deep into my eyes, and without saying a word he turns to Daphne. "No, we're fine for now. I think it's best to wait." 

When he says this I can see so much confusion in his own eyes, and I am sure he is surprised by his own conclusions. We sit down on the bed next to Daphne and he wraps his arms around both of us. When he finally speaks there is humor in his voice. "We so know you wouldn't mind watching." He unwraps his arm from me and playfully tickles her side. She laughs and squirms away from him, then reaches over to grab her beer off the side table. "So you guys want to watch my Kiss videos?"

Brian lays down on his back with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed. "Mmm Gene Simmons. Have you ever thought about what that man could do with his tongue? "

She jumps up, turning off her tape player and then turns on her TV. She presses play on the VCR and screeches in delight. "Oh my God! You totally think the same way I do. God, he is such a sexy man. When he curls his tongue with that stage blood I just totally cream my panties. 

Brian covers his eyes. "Oh, that's gross. I so did not want to hear about your pussy right now." 

Daphne slumps back on the bed watching the TV. "You and Justin are so egotistical. You can totally talk about your cocks, but if I mention my pussy you both freak out. It's just wrong I tell you, all wrong." She turns to both of us. "I have needs god damnit! Yes, I may have a fucking pussy, but I get just as horny as you do, maybe even more. You're just both jealous because I can have more orgasms than you, so there." She crosses her arms over her chest and then sticks her tongue out at us .

I can't help but laugh at my friend. "You are so very mature, Daph."

She huffs, then sulks some more, and I know I have to change the topic somehow. "Speaking of pussy, I had no idea your grandma had a girlfriend when she was younger."

Daphne gasps. "Oh my God, I know! That was just, like, too much. I don't know, it's kind of cool I guess, but I just could not imagine being in love with your best friend and never being able to have that intimacy you once shared."

I am slightly confused when I see Brian stiffen. He sits up and clears his throat and there's no mistaking the sudden chill in the air. "Can't you?" He says with venom in his voice.

Daphne shakes her head. "That's not what I meant. What happened with us was different."

I try not to look at either of them as I try to keep my attention on Paul Stanley. My heart is aching with disappointment and betrayal. Neither one of them say it, but I can feel deep within my soul that they slept with each other. 

I stand up and grab my beer, walking silently out of Daphne's bedroom door. I belatedly realize that I forgot my Jacket. It is fucking freezing out here, but I can't go back inside. I know I should be more sensitive, but for some odd reason I feel betrayed. I can hear Daphne and Brian talking and I can't even bring myself to ease drop. Quickly I drink my beer, hoping it will numb some of my pain. I can feel the alcohol coursing through my body, taking off the edge, but it's not enough. I toss the bottle to the ground, light a cigarette, and try to ignore the cold.

************************************

Daphne's POV

I am so fucking mad at myself for what I just said. I may have just ruined everything with my stupid slip up. I wish I didn't always have to have the last word, but I do. I really realize my fuck up when Justin walks out the door. "Shit! He knows. I should go see if he's all right."

I stand up and Brain grasps my arms. "Don't. He needs some time alone." He sighs and combs his fingers through his long hair. "Fuck, I did not want him to find out,."

"Neither did I, but he did."

"Fuck." 

"You should go talk to him."

" And what do I say? So, I fucked Daphne, now get over it?"

I laugh and pull him up to stand next to me. "It s very obvious you have never been in a relationship before. You just tell him the truth. Speak from your heart." 

"It's that easy?"

"Yeah, it's that easy."

"You've watched way too many chick flicks."

"I'm a chick. That's what we do, you silly goose. Anyhow, 'Pretty in Pink', 'Sixteen Candles' and 'Some Kind of Wonderful' are what make me live from day to day. Plus they're just good stories."

He raises his brow at me and chuckles. "You forgot one." .

"I did?" 

"The breakfast club."

"You saw that?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "What can I say? I think Judd Nelson is hot!" He turns to go to the door.

I can't help but laugh at his confession. "Who would have thought Brian Kinney likes chick flicks?" 

He grumbles, then pushes the door open. walking outside and closing the door behind him. Carefully I sit down on the floor next to the window, hoping to hear what they say to each other.

*************************************

Brian's POV

Shit! I fucked things up again. I seem to always have a knack for pissing people off. What can I say? It's a gift. As soon as walk out the door I see Justin leaning against the house smoking a cigarette and shaking. I realize how fucking cold it is out here, and wonder why the fuck he doesn't not have a jacket on. 

I walk over to him and he eyes me. "What the fuck are you doing out here?" he asks harshly.

"Jesus, Justin, I thought there was going to be no more drama queen moments. Fuck! We've only been in a relationship, and I really can't believe I'm even saying that word…but it's what we have, and it's only been for 45 minutes and we're already having our second fight . No fucking wonder I don't believe in relationships and shit."

Justin stares at me intensely. "So, are you having another asshole moment?"

"That depends."

He nods his head, then takes a drag from his cig, blowing out the smoke as he talks. "So is that why you and Daphne aren't friends anymore; because you fucked?" His tone is bitter.

"Jesus Christ, Justin, we weren't even friends when we fucked. Our friendship was over for other reasons and none of them Daphne's fault. I was fucking protecting her," I reply defensively. 

His face softens and I see concern in his eyes. "What where you protecting her from? 

"Me."

He puts out his cigarette and walks closer to me, placing his hand on my cheek. "Why?"

"I can't go in to it now. Let's just say something bad happened in my life. Something I have never, and I mean never, ever shared with anyone. It changed my life and not in a good way. I started using drugs and drinking to numb my pain and I knew I could not have her go down with me. I know Daph, and she would have. She would have been right there with me, but I cared too much for her to see her get hurt."

**************************************

Justin's POV.

My heart aches for Brian as he tries to explain to me what happened, but I know he is jut talking bullshit, and skirting around the issue. My fingers tremble from the cold but all I want to do is comfort him because I can see how much pain he is really in. Slowly I caress his cheek. "Brian, please tell me what happened to make you go down this road, to make you want to protect Daphne from your own pain."

He gulps and takes hold of my hand. "You're ice cold, we should go inside."

" I'll be fine. Brian, please don't avoid the question.."

He steps away, running his hands through his hair. "Fuck!" Without hesitating he takes his jacket off and wraps it around my shoulders. "If your going to be stupid enough to want to stand in the cold, at least take my fucking jacket."

I smile up at him and slide my arms through the sleeves, inhaling the essence of Brian and that alone makes me feel warm. I put my hands in the pockets. "What about you? Now you're cold."

A wicked smirk spreads across his lips as he steps close to me, wrapping his arms around my waist inside the jacket. "Oh I can find other ways to get warm." He kisses my forehead and whispers in my ear. "Now just put your hand in my back pocket and that will really warm me up."

I can't help but laugh. "Brian Kinney, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Is it working?"

"Yes, but you're still avoiding the question."

He nuzzles his head into the crook of my neck and whispers in my ear. "Justin, I can't…I can't talk about it."

I hear the catch in his voice and it frightens me. Drawing back a little, I place my hands gently on his face. "It's okay, I'm sorry for pressuring you. I want you to know I'm here for you when you're ready to talk."

He shakes his head. "Sorry is bullshit, Justin." He pulls away then turns his back to me. "Do you really want to know?" He turns back around and his eyes are red rimmed and filled with pain. "Do you? Do you really want to know how fucked up my life is?" His mouth was twisted into a painful grimace. "Fine, you want to know so bad then I'll fucking tell you."

I try to move in closer to him and he moves away. "Brian, I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me. I'm so sorry for pushing. I'm just…I want to be here for you and I want you to know that I am here."

He takes in a deep breath and he calms down slightly. "I know, and that's why I have to tell you now, because if I don't, and you find out later you may leave me. I want you to be able to get out now if you have to. I don't want to fall in love with you and then have you then rip out my heart."

"I would never do that to you."

"How do you know that?"

"I just know."

"No you don't, you really don't know anything. You have no idea what I've been through."

"Then why don't you fucking enlighten me then, Brian. Why don't you fucking tell me what the hell is going on, because I'll tell you this; there is no way in hell I am letting you go. I finally have you in my life and I like it, and I don't want you to go away. I guarantee you that nothing you say will frighten me or fucking scare me away." 

Brian turns away from me again. "I'm sorry I can't look at you when I say this. I…fuck!" He runs his hands though his hair. "This is so fucking hard. I was in love once." His words startle me because as far as I knew Brian has never been in love with anyone. 

He goes on quietly, "God, I was so In love with Christopher Brown." For some reason the name sounds familiar but I can't pin point who it belongs to. Brian laughs bitterly. "I was so young and stupid. He promised me the world and I fucking believed it. He was older than me, and my home life…well it wasn't good. What am I saying? My home life sucked and Chris knew it. When he took me under his wing I felt so safe and protected."

He turns around and I can see the sorrow in his eyes. "I thought I could trust him, I mean he was an adult after all. I really should have known better," he smirks wryly. I gasp at his confession and he looks me intently. "You do know who I'm talking about right?"

All I can do is shake my head dumbly.

"Fuck, he was so amazing; tall, dark, handsome, athletic…" He trails off and is then silent for a moment before he continues . "You know. He was the coach of the fucking soccer team,"

Suddenly I feel the bile threatening to rise in my stomach and before he can even tell me what happened I voice my fear. "Is that why you stopped playing soccer?"

He clears his throat. "It started out innocently enough; pats on the shoulder telling me I played a good game or a playful swat on the ass in the locker room. Before I knew it I was part of his personal life, stuff like having dinner with his wife and kids, going places with them. 

For the first time in my life I felt complete. I saw a true family and they acted like they loved me like a son. But what his wife didn't know was that her husband liked to kiss me from time to time, or touch me intimately. God! I loved his touch, I fucking longed for it. There where many times he tried to get me to have sex with him, but I was not ready. I was fucking terrified! 

One afternoon after school I went back to the locker room for something and there he was in the shower all soapy and so fucking hot. I'm not sure what got into me, but I walked right into the shower stall with all my clothes on, dropped to my knees and sucked him off. He tasted so good, and when he clutched at my hair I knew he felt the way I did. I knew he loved me and that I had made the right choice." 

He takes a gasping breath and barely whispers, "That's what I thought at the time, anyway. I was naive and stupid then. After he came, he helped me stand up and kissed me with so much passion I thought I would come from that alone. Before I knew it he had my clothes off and he spun me around so I was facing the wall. I was so scared, but excited at the same time. I knew this was it, I was finally going to give myself to him, let him know how much I really loved him."

Brian turns away from me again and I gently lay my hand on his shoulder speaking softly. "If it's too difficult for you to go on, I understand."

He nods his head gratefully, but he continues his story anyway. "Back then I new nothing about sex. I had no idea how to prepare for it, how a caring partner needed to prepare me for it. He didn't do any of that. He just slammed into me hard. God, it fucking hurt, but I was trying to tell myself it felt good and that he loved me. Hell, I still try to tell myself it felt good." He faces me again. "But that's a lie. It hurt. It fucking hurt, and I asked him to stop. I fucking begged him to get off me, but he didn't. He kept slamming me hard against the wall. So I just kept telling myself that was what I wanted, that it felt good.

After he fucked me I told him I loved him. He laughed at me. He then called me a slut and told me the only thing I was good for was fucking. That no one would love me. How could anyone love a whore?" Brian's shoulders begin to shake and he gulps. "So I showed him that he was right. That all I was ever good for was fucking

My heart aches when I see the unshed tears in Brian's eyes. He was raped and my heart breaks with the knowledge of all he's endured. The tears swell in my eyes knowing the hell he must have been through and still goes through. Gently I place my hands on his shoulder and rub softly. "You are so much more than that Brian. I want you for your heart, mind, and soul.

His face screws up in anger. "How can you say that? How can you want me knowing I'm used , knowing that all I am good for and ever will be good for is a fuck."

I try to hold back my own tears and I can't. "Jesus Christ, Brian! Do you not realize how much you're worth? What an amazing man you are? That bastard used you. God, he fucking raped you, Brian."

Brian turned away from me yet again. "I wanted it, Justin He did not rape me."

Without thinking I turn him around and glare at him. "How can you stand there and tell me you wanted to be hurt.? You asked him to stop and he kept going." Brian tries to pull away and I gently cup his chin, making him look at me. "You asked him to stop and he kept going. That's rape, Brian. He fucking hurt you and it's killing me inside knowing that you've had to deal with all this pain alone."

"You don't hate me?"

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because I let someone do that to me."

"God no, it's not your fault, Brian. There is no reason for me to hate you. I love you so much." I cup the back of his neck with my hand and draw him down for a tender Kiss.

Drawing back I look into Brian's wounded eyes. "I'm sorry for queening out on you again."

He chuckles softly and lets out a sigh. "You do seem to have really mastered a good queen out, haven't you?" He clears his throat and I can see a single tear roll down his cheek. Gently, I wipe it away and he ducks his head so I won't see how vulnerable he is. "Please don't," he whispers softly. "Please don't… I just want to forget it all, okay?"

I nod my head, but then I catch a glimpse of Daphne's bedroom door opening. She walks over to us briskly and wraps Brian in a tight hug. "You, stupid idiot. You walked away from our friendship to deal with all that on your own." She pulls away and looks him in the eyes and I know she can see the confusion and shame that is there as well as I can. She sighs heavily. "Well, I've always known I was the smarter one of the two of us. If you ever, and I mean ever, pull a stunt like that again I will fucking hit you." She tries to bite back her emotions, but her voice is shaking. "I would have been here for you, Brian. I'm not sure what I could have done but I at least you wouldn't have been alone.

Brian's tears begin to flow as he draws her back into a tight embrace, letting his body slump against hers as he shakes violently. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I royally fucked everything thing up."

As I stand back watching my boyfriend and best friend together I realize how stupid I was to be angry, or even jealous, of what they had together. I can see the strong bond they share and right now the only thing that matters to me is Brian's happiness. I can easily see how they would have turned to each other for comfort. I know there are times I have been tempted to let Daphne be my first, but I also know Brian is the only one I ever want to share that moment with me.


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes: Lot's of thanks to my beta Kris. I love you girl, I really do... Huggles  


* * *

Justin's POV

Daphne and I are both sitting on my bedroom floor watching Head Banger's Ball, drinking a cheap bottle of Rum that I stole from my mom's closet. I look over at my best friend in my drunken haze. "Ha! My mom's a stupid cunt. She thinks I don't know she drinks, but I do. In fact I think she's helped me secure my love for rum." I tip the bottle towards Daph.

Daphne grabs the bottle from me and laughs. "I can't believe your mom doesn't even know where her bottles are disappearing to."

I lean my head against my bed and huff out a bitter laugh. "She is such a fucking hypocrite. She's always saying drinking, sex, and all the fun shit in life is evil, yet here she is drinking in her fucking closet. She fucking forgot my birthday. No gift, no nothing…damn bitch. But hey, at least I have a fucking bottle of rum for my birthday party!"

Daphne looks at me and I can see affection in her eyes that confuses me somewhat. Gently she caresses my cheek. "Well, she's a fucking bitch." I am startled when it looks like she might kiss me, but she simply draws back and smiles, handing me back the bottle. "Happy fucking Birthday, Justin!"

I take the bottle from her and take a big gulp, feeling the warmth of the alcohol coursing through my body. "Yup. Happy fucking birthday to me." I smile when I hear the familiar drum beat of the song Crazy, Crazy Night's on the TV and Daphne screeches with joy, crawling over to turn it up even louder. She stands up and starts singing along loudly with the music. 

"Here's a little song for everybody out there.

People try to take my soul away  
But I don't hear the rap that they all say  
They try to tell us we don't belong,

That's all right, we're millions strong  
This is my music, it makes me proud, 

these are my people and this is my crowd" 

I watch her in amusement as she mimics Paul Stanley's moves. She combs her fingers through her hair, bunching it up in a seductive grasp, and pouts her lips as she thrusts her hips in time with the music.

"These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights  
these are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights"

When I laugh she shakes her head wildly at me as she grins mischievously. "You know you want to sing with me." She holds out her hand to help me stand up. I laugh, realizing how fucking drunk I am. We begin to sing at the top of our lungs, swaying to the music.

"Sometimes days are so hard to survive,

Oh yeah A million ways to bury you alive  
Hey, the sun goes down like a bad, bad dream  
You're wound up tight, gotta let off steam  
They say they can break you again and again

If life is a radio, turn up to ten."

I take another swig of rum and begin to mimic Gene Simmons. Daphne laughs and gets more into her dancing as we both lose ourselves in the music.

"Ohh, these are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, come on

These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, yeah, whoo 

And they try to tell us that we don't belong  
But that's alright, we're millions strong  
You are my people, you are my crowd  
This is our music, we love it loud 

Yeah, and nobody's gonna change me  
'Cause that's who I am, ooh." 

Daphne screams again and sexily combs her fingers through her hair again. She raises her voice to speak above the music. "God, they are so fucking hot! They make me horny!"

"These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, oh yeah  
These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, oh, oh  
These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy nights, yeah."

As the song ends I fall back on my bed, laughing. "Anything makes you horny. You're the most horniest girl I have ever met. Your such a slut."

She slaps me playfully. "I am not, but speaking of sluts, where your boyfriend?" I see a roguish grin spread across her face. 

I slap her playfully. "He's changed ."

"I know."

I scrunch my nose at her. "Then why would you say that?"

She sighs then rolls on her side to face me. "Because that's my lame ass way of asking if your guys have had sex yet."

I sit up slightly mortified. "That's none of your business.'

Her face grows serious. "I'm sorry for calling Brian a slut. I want you to know I don't feel that way any more. I understand why he did some of the things he did."

I nod my head in understanding. "It's okay. He would probably be the first one to call himself that. He really looks down on himself a lot, but I know the truth. I know he's faithful to me. To answer your question, no, we haven't slept together yet."

She sits up straight. "What!? Really!?" 

I bite my lower lips and then smile wickedly. "Tonight is going to be our first night together." I shrug my shoulders. "Well, I'm kind of hoping it will be, anyway."

"Wow, Justin, that is some awesome birthday gift." I see a slight glimpse of sadness in her eyes and then it's gone. She smiles softly, and slurs her words slightly. "Are you sure you don't want a trial run with me before he gets here?"

Delicately I caress her cheek. "Daphne, you're my best friend in this whole fucked up world and as tempting as it would be, and has been, I can't ruin our friendship or what I have with Brian, to have one night with you." 

She swallows hard and I can see the tears forming in her eyes. "I sometimes already feel like I've lost you both. I love you and Brian so much," she gulps. "You have no idea how much I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Sometimes it hurts for me to see you and Brian together. I try not to let it, but it does. Brian was my first and only. I know I joke around about sex but I've never been with anyone else except for my fucking hand. Now that I can't have him or you, I want to just have one moment with you, so I can remember you both, always."

I'm confused by everything she is trying to tell me. I know what she is saying, but it is not completely registering in my dazed mind. "Daphne, you're not making any sense."

She wipes away her tears. "I know, it doesn't make sense to me either." She looks me straight in the eyes. "I love you. I have loved you since the day we met." She runs her fingers through her hair. "Fuck! I'm just being a stupid girl."

Softly I cup her chin with my hand. "You're not a stupid girl. I love you too."

She growls in frustration. "You don't understand. I'm fucking in love with you, Justin. I want you! Don't you get it?! I want you and Brian. I want you both in my life; and not just as friends, but as more."

I study her closely and I can see how conflicted she is by telling me her heart's desire, Fuck, I'm conflicted too, because I do love Daphne. I always have, but Brian is the true love of my life. I think about my boyfriend, and the last three weeks we have had together, and it's been amazing. 

I have felt self conscious at times because I have noticed the glances Brian and Daphne share and the strong bond they have. I can tell they both care and love each other very much. I sometimes worry that Brian would leave me for Daphne. I know that Brian and I are both gay, but there is just something about Daphne that we both love and cherish. I swallow nervously and speak the truth. "It hurts me too. I mean I can see the bond you both share, and the love you once had for each other. I'm afraid Brian will leave me for you. I worry every day."

She looks horrified and kisses my forehead. "Oh God, no, Justin! He loves you. He loves you so much. I know he hasn't said it, but I see it in his soul. He loves you so much."

"Then why do I feel like I'm not good enough for him?"

"Because we are teenagers, and life sucks that way." 

I chuckle at her comment. "Well, that's one way of looking at it." She lays her head on my shoulder looking up at me. My breath catches in my throat as I see the desire in her exotic eyes. Delicately I trace her plump pink lips with my finger and she kisses it enticingly. "Jesus, Daphne, I never realized how beautiful you are until now." She gives me a strange look and I swallow hard, stuttering uncertainly. "I mean…I… I've always known you were... I mean are.

She bats her eyes at me in wonder. "You really think so?"

A sheepish smile graces my lips. "Yeah, I do think so." I'm so confused about what to do, especially in my inebriated state. "I don't know what to do," I whisper softly as I look into her expectant eyes. 

I want to be with her so desperately but I am fucking afraid of the repercussions when Brian finds out. Part of me hopes he will also need her too, so all of us can be together. Without any more hesitation, I lean forward and softly kiss her on the lips. Daphne moans, parting her lips and lets me snake my tongue into her sweet mouth. I can feel her smile as she slides her tongue against mine. She cups her hand around the back of my neck, drawing me in closer, deepening the kiss. I gently rub a small circle next to her ear with my thumb, and then slowly and sensually glide my hand down her neck and shoulders. She gasps when my hand covers her small breast. I let my thumb brush over the material of her shirt that covers her hardened nipple. 

Daphne presses her fingertips firmly in to the flesh of my neck, her warm breath sending shivers though my whole body. I moan longingly when I feel her other hand rub my cock through the material. "Oh God." I cry into her mouth just before plunging my tongue in deeper. 

Daphne gasps, and then draws back, speaking with desire in her voice. "Justin." Her eyes are heavy with desire and I have never seen her look more beautiful. When I sit up to take off my shirt I feel light headed from all the rum I've had, but I want to be with her so desperately. I want to be able to share that bond that she and Brian have. In the back of my mind I know this is wrong, but right now it feels so right.

She sits up unsteadily and I catch her in my arms, and then she giggles as she kisses my chin, while running her hand down my chest. She backs away with a playful smirk, licking her lips as she seductively takes off her t-shirt, revealing her pink lacy bra. 

I never thought I would find a woman attractive, but right here, right now, I am so fucking turned on. She leans over the bed and grabs the bottle of rum. She then moves closer to me, taking another swig. Daphne leans over and places her lips over mine. When I open my mouth and feel the warm liquid flow over my tongue, I swallow the harsh fluid, knowing I shouldn't because I am already feeling queasy. Instinctively I grab the bottle from her and set it on my dresser, I wrap my hand around the back of her neck drawing her in to a passion filled kiss. Slowly I lower her back on the bed covering my body over hers, grinding my hard cock against her leg as our passion takes over. 

Daphne guides me to sit back up as she unclasps the front of her bra, and I am shocked I am not running away screaming. For some reason having her here with me like this makes me feel safe. I bite my lip and lean down to kiss her. "You're so beautiful."

She smiles up at me. "You're so drunk." Then she laughs. "But so I am," she slurs. Grabbing the bottle from the dresser she erotically pours it over her breasts, letting the warm fluid caress her nipples. And run down to her tight stomach. I move in and lick my way down her neck, until our moans echo throughout the room 

********************************

Brian's POV

I lean my forehead against the shower wall, letting the hot water penetrate into my skin. I gasp as I feel so many emotions coursing through me. I know I'm late to go to Justin's, but truth be told I'm fucking scared to death of what will happen when I get there. He told me a week ago that all he wanted for his birthday was for us to make love. "Fuck!" The last person I had sex with that I cared about was Daphne, and that turns out so well. I shake my head and all I can see is the pain in her face every time I kiss Justin or hold him close. She claims she is fine with our relationship, but it hurts me so much knowing how much it hurts her to see us together. Daphne puts up a brave front and I admire her for that. I'm afraid that after Justin and I are together totally and completely, that I might lose her again. I'm also afraid I won't be enough for Justin. He is such a good person and deserves so much more. What if I fuck this up and end up hurting him too?

Slowly, I run my hands through my now shortened hair. So much has changed in my life since Justin and I have been together. I know feel more at peace with my past, even though at times it hurts more because I have been able to admit to myself what really happened. Daphne and Justin have really helped me through this. They have been my sole support. I find myself drinking and drugging less and I am so thankful to finally be able to get through the day without being totally high. My drug buddies don't get it and keep asking why I've started hanging out with the two freaks. They don't fucking know anything. 

God, I love Justin so much, Daphne too. In a perfect world I could actually see all of us together. I know that sounds so bizarre but that's how I feel. I can't imagine one without the other. I know that can, and never will be. It hurts to see the pain in Justin's eyes when he found out that Daphne and I had slept together. He never mentioned it again, but it must be haunting him. I know how much he worries about everything. I shake all the odd thoughts out of my head, not understanding exactly where they are coming from.

I step out of the shower and make my way to the misty mirror, wiping it off with my hand. Water droplets begin to roll down the mirror. I comb my hair with my fingers and I am amazed to see that I don't look half bad with short hair. I grab the scissors and put them back up in the cabinet and then get dressed to go to Justin's.

I sit on my bed for a couple moments rehearsing how things may go in my head, and I realize that, no matter what, it will turn out how it is supposed to be. I am startled out of my thoughts when I hear a loud bang in the room next door and my father's drunken slur echoing through the walls. Quickly I grab my duffle bag and the Jim Beam that's sitting on my dresser.

I take a long swig then hold up the bottle in the direction of the loud noises coming from my parent's room. "Cheers to you Dad." I slam the bottle back down. "You God damn fucking prick!" 

With that I climb out my window. No matter what is going to happen between Justin and I tonight, it will be amazing. 

Why stick around here waiting for what Dad will dish out to me? I hate when he gets like this and I can hear it now when he sees my haircut. "Pretty boy has gone and cut his hair. Now he thinks he's a real man."


	6. Chapter 6

  
Author's notes: Lot's of thanks to my spirit sister and beta kris. All so a huge thank you to everyone for your kind reviews... Hugs, Doll  


* * *

Brian's POV  
  
I look up to Justin's bedroom window in contemplation, and then swallow hard.Well this is it. There's no turning back now. I Carefully climb through his window and am instantly assaulted by the obvious sounds of sex. I'm sure that I must be hearing things, but then I move further into the room and see Justin and Daphne fucking on his bed. I gasp and my emotions build up inside me. This can't be fucking happening to me. On some level it's almost amusing because of my thoughts earlier in the shower. But in actuality this just fucking sucks. Why do I always give my heart and soul to someone just to have them crush me? Have I not learned my fucking lesson? Fuck! I feel so violated and foolish for trusting Daphne, and for giving all that I am to Justin. When I hear them both cry out their love for each other my heart breaks into pieces, but what bothers me the most is that I can't stop watching them.  
  
Justin kisses her with so much passion as he thrusts deeper inside her and I can't believe I'm still standing here. What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel the malice inside me growing and festering, and all I want to do is grab him by the throat and hurt him. Hurt him for doing this to me; to us. I choke back my rage because I know I could never really hurt him, or Daphne. They both mean so much to me, but this betrayal is killing me inside and I wish everything could be okay. 

There is part of me that wants to join in on the fun. Fuck! I am so fucking fucked. So I decide to do neither. I'm just going to leave. They can fucking have each other as far as I'm concerned. I'm too numb to really give a fuck and it hurts too much to process all this humiliation. I am just about to climb out the window when I hear Justin growl out in pleasure as he comes and then instantly I hear him dry heaving.I turn back to look at my boyfriend and best friend and then I see the empty Rum bottle laying on the floor. "Shit!" Instinctively I run over to Justin and pull him off Daphne.

She looks up at me in shock and horror. "Brian!"ù  
  
Ignoring her, I cradle Justin in my arms and grab a near by trash can, holding it under his face just moments before he empties his stomach. Sweat pours from his face as he retches violently.  
  
Daphne sits up unsteadily and looks over at us, trying to focus her eyes. Suddenly I see reality setting in as she gasps. "Oh God, what did we do?"ù  
  
Her stupidity and ignorance grates on my last nerve. "You don't know? Jesus Christ, you must be really wasted! You just fucked your best friend, you fucking twit!"ù  
  
She hangs her head in shame. "Brian I…I'm so…"  
ù  
"I don't want to hear any of your fucking excuses! Just put on some fucking clothes and get a damp cloth so I can clean him up. And get a glass of water, he doesn't need to get dehydrated."  
  
Quickly she gets up and groans as her body sways, then she sits back down, holding her head. My attention is pulled from her when I hear Justin whimper and empty his stomach again. He leans on me, mumbling incoherently. ù

I feel my anger boiling up in me again as I look at Daphne holding her head. When I speak to her my tone is harsher than I intended. "I have no sympathy for you right now. You better go get that towel now! Justin drank way too much and he needs to get this all out of his system." I glare at her again. "How could you both be so stupid?!"  
  
She clears her throat and stands again, and when she turns to me and I see the regret in her eyes. "It wasn't supposed to be this way," she says mournfully. 

I shake me head at her, not wanting to hear anymore. She dresses quickly, then walks out of the room. I feel relieved just to hold Justin, but I'm scared that I am losing him. I rub small comforting circles on his back, and wish I had the courage to tell him how much he means to me, how much I truly love him. But now I feel so alone, and betrayed, not sure if I can ever trust him again, but I want to. 

I am drawn out of my thoughts when I hear him cry out in pain. "Oh God, I'm so fucking sick." Softly, I brush the sweat matted hair from his eyes.  
  
I look up when Daphne stumbles back into the room. She seems so lost, but I am still so fucking mad at her, at both of them, really. I am even more furious at myself for not seeing all of this sooner. She holds out the damp cloth and a glass of water. I move away from Justin and stand up, making sure he's balanced on the bed before I take the glass and cloth from her without even looking her in the eye. I kneel down in front of Justin and carefully clean his face, and then hold the glass to his lips. "Here drink this."ù  
  
When he looks at me I see the confusion and tears in his eyes as he takes a drink. Once I see that he seems more settled I move the trash can out of the way and begin to help him lie back in bed. I am surprised and relieved to see a condom on his softened cock. I raise a brow at Daphne when I speak to her, and the sarcasm drips from my tongue. "Well at least you both thought enough to play safe."ù  
  
She has tears in her eyes. "Brian, I'm so sorry. I am so fucking sorry."  
  
I try to ignore her apologies, but there is so much pain and remorse in her voice that I can't take it anymore. I can't handle hearing any more of her fucking bullshit. I look down at Justin and I don't know if he will ever fucking understand how much I love and hate him at this very moment.   
Slowly I caress his cheek and glide my palm down his naked chest. This was supposed to be our night together. "Fuck!" I wonder when I became such a sentimental fool? My fingers brush down to his belly button and I glide them through his coarse and damp pubic hair until my hand touches his soft cock. Justin gasps softly under my touch, then he drifts back to sleep. I take a deep breath, holding back my emotions as I carefully unroll the condom off him and put it in the trash can. I carefully cover him up with a blanket.  
  
I hear Daphne still mumbling how sorry she is, and I continue to ignore her because I have no idea what to say. How can I just be like, 'oh, it's okay Daphne.' I just can't, and this fucking hurts, and now I could lose them both. They where both so fucking irresponsible and stupid, not even thinking about how it would affect me, or them, or our relationships. I turn to her with fire in my eyes. "Why did you do it?"ù  
  
She gulps. "Do you want the truth?"ù  
  
I laugh bitterly. "Well, that would be nice, don't you think? Considering I'm just about to lose my boyfriend to my best friend. I think the truth would be fucking nice. Now spill it!"ù   
  
She lays he hand gently on my arm, and I pull it away, glaring at her. She shrinks back. " I was afraid of losing him." She runs her hand through her hair. "Fuck! I was afraid of losing you again too. When Justin told me that you two were going to have sex tonight I don't know…I lost it, and then with the alcohol in my system I just wasn't thinking. All I could fathom was that the two men I love the most in the world were in love with each other and not me. I knew that you and Justin could never love me like I love you. I realized that I will never be happy. I will never have what you two have. I will never have someone who loves me like you two fucking love each other and I freaked! I fucking freaked out and regret it. Now I am going to lose you both and it's all my fault.  
  
As she speaks, so many of my own fears rip through me. I had no idea she loved both of us so much, I swallow my pain and mask my expression as I growl at her. "You're right, it is your fault. But you weren't fucking yourself now, were you? Why did Justin agree to this stupid scheme"ù  
  
"He was fucking afraid of losing you to me. He was jealous of our bond, and I'm sorry, Brian, we both fucked up. We were just afraid of losing you, and each other."  
  
"Well, you did it! You lost me! I hope you're fucking proud of yourself." I point to the window and speak to her sternly. "Get the fuck out of here! I can't look at you right now, you fucking whore!" As soon as I said it I regretted it.ù  
  
Daphne's eyes swell with tears and her lips quiver slightly, and all I want to do is hold her in my arms, but that would defeat the purpose. When she speaks, her voice is soft and shaky. "How can you call me that? I have only been with two men in my whole life, you and Justin. I have only been with the two men that I love, and you have the balls to call me a whore. You fucking hypocrite. I love you! Fuck! I love Justin. I'm so fucking stupid."ù  
  
"I said get the fuck out." She looks at me with so much pain and grief, wanting reassurance that we are okay but, I can't give her that, not now.  
  
"Brian please listen to me. I'm sorry."  
  
"I said get the fuck out. Now!"ù  
  
I watch as she unsteadily tries to climb out the window and I feel guilty for making her leave like this. With out a second thought I rush over and gently take her by the arm, helping her back through the window. She looks at me in shock and confusion. "Brian, what are you doing? I thought you hated me?"  
  
Gently I wrap my arms around her and bury my head in to her silky hair. I whisper softly in her ear. "I could never hate you or Justin."  
  
She wraps her arms around me and stands on her tip toes, kissing me on the lips, then gently she draws back and speaks softly. "I have always loved you."  
  
I feel the tears swelling in my eyes because I never thought anyone could love me, and now I have Justin and Daphne. I hold back my emotions and whisper softly. "Me too. Always have, always will." Without hesitation I lean down, capturing her plump lips in a passionate kiss."  
  
************************************************************  
  
Daphne's POV  
  
My heart skips a beat when I feel Brian's lips covering mine gently, and then my heart melts as 'Forever' by KISS begins to play softly in the background. I open my lips, gliding my tongue against his, savoring his taste and his essence. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck drawing him deeper into the kiss.  
  
I gotta tell you what I'm feelin' inside,  
I could lie to myself, but it's true  
There's no denying when I look in your eyes,  
girl I'm out of my head over you  
And I lived so long believin' all love is blind  
But everything about you is tellin' me this time  
  
Brian draws back and his hazel eyes burn into my soul. I gasp slightly at the intensity in his eyes. I jump slightly when I feel his hand caress my cheek. He whispers softly; "I can't lose you or Justin. I will do anything to keep you with me. I know that sounds so fucking pathetic, but I   
can't imagine a life without the either of you."  
  
It's forever, this time I know and there's no doubt in my mind  
Forever, until my life is thru, girl I'll be lovin' you forever  
I hear the echo of a promise I made  
When you're strong you can stand on your own  
But those words grow distant as I look at your face  
No, I don't wanna go it alone  
I never thought I'd lay my heart on the line  
But everything about you is tellin' me this time  
  
"Brian?" I move up to kiss him again and delicately he presses his two fingers on my lips and whispers. "Not now. Not like this. I want us, all of us, to sit down and talk about this. I don't want a drunken fuck. I've had enough of those to last a lifetime.  
  
I'm startled by his words, they seem so effortless, so thought out, and so God damn fucking romantic. "You know Brian, you truly are a closet romantic aren't you?"  
  
Oooh I see my future when I look in your eyes  
It took your love to make my heart come alive  
Cos I lived my life believin' all love is blind  
But everything about you is tellin' me this time  
  
He looks at me longingly, and then kisses me softly. "I will deny it if you ever bring it up again."  
  
It's forever, this time I know and there's no doubt in my mind  
Forever, until my life is thru, girl I'll be lovin' you forever - yeah!  
  
I laugh softly. "You're secret's safe with me."  
  
Brian nods his head in approval, then caresses my cheek lovingly as the song comes to an end. His gazes matches mine and he gulps and turns away, walking towards Justin's bed. I watch as he strips down to his briefs and crawls into to the bed spooning up behind Justin, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's slender form. Justin turns into Brian's arms and speaks weakly. "Brian, I am so sorry I … I.."

Brian stops his words with a chaste kiss, and then looks up a me. "Daphne, come here." His words are husky and full of desire. Slowly I make my way to the bed and take off my clothes, leaving on only my bra and panties. I hear Brian take in a deep breath as he watches me intensely. He moves the cover back so I can get in.   
  
When I get in the bed I look at him, not sure exactly what to expect. Brian reaches over and gently lays his hand on my hip, and without any more hesitation I wrap my arm around Justin and Brian.  
  
Justin looks back at me in confusion and I see the alcohol is still in his system and then he slurs. "What's going on?"  
  
Brian kisses him on forehead. "Get some sleep. We'll talk about this in the morning."  
  
Justin lays his head down on Brian's chest and whispers, "Okay."


	7. Chapter 7

  
Author's notes:

Hello to all of my lovely readers. I would like to apologize for taking so long with my updates. I know I have told several of you I would update soon and that was weeks ago. Unfortunately life kicked me in the ass and hard too. I am just now getting back on my feet. My son jumped on my laptop and killed the monitor. I am now up and running on a desk top also I have been working 6 to 7 day’s a week *sigh*. I do plan on finishing this story and I do have the next chapter started. Thank you all for all of your kind words for this story and the others I have written. I have been unable to thank everyone personally. I wanted you all to know how much I appreciate the feed back and how it truly does make my day‘s. Please bare with me as the updates maybe slow since I do not have as much computer time as I once had…. Hugs and love to you all… Doll 

Another huge thank you to my wonderful Beta Kris. I love you girl with all of my heart and soul!

* * *

Brian's POV 

It feels nice to have Justin in my arms, with Daphne's arm draped across both of us. I relish the feeling of love radiating from both of them. I still feel hurt but I know that was never their intention, no matter how fucked up the situation was; still is, actually. I know Justin's going to have one fucking hell of a headache in the morning, but after he feels better we all are going to have to talk and see where this is going to take us, if anywhere at all. 

I am pulled out of my thought when I feel Daphne looking at me intensely. I look up to see her smiling at me, her brown eyes soft and full of love. She gently cards her hand through my short hair and smiles brightly. 

"You cut your hair." 

" Yeah." 

"I like it; it makes you look distinguished." 

I huff out a laugh. "Like that would ever be possible." 

"I think it's possible." She leans over and kisses me softly on the lips. "You know I've always had faith in you. You're the smartest guy I know. I think you could totally pull off the distinguished look. Hell I can see you in a suit now" 

I clear my throat as the emotions her kind words are bringing out wash over me. Between that and all of the gushy, lesbian thoughts I've been having, I'm totally screwed. "Daph, you say the nicest things, but you still fucked up," I reply rather dryly, trying to hide my true feelings. 

"I'm hoping we can get past that." 

"Me too." 

*****

Justin's POV 

I wake up feeling sick, confused and completely surrounded by the two warm bodies that are embracing me tightly. Slowly, I open my eyes and watch in dismay as Daphne leans over and kisses Brian on the lips. My body stiffens and I wonder what the fuck is going on, and then everything from last night floods back to me and I feel so raw and hopeless. I wonder to myself why the fuck I did it, and how can I repair the damage between Brian and me now? 

I look at Brian again and vaguely remember him holding me last night while I threw up. Fuck, how can he be in bed with me right now? How can Daphne be next to me? I am so disgusting. 

I bolt straight up, leaving their sweet embrace, as I scoot back to lean against the headboard of the bed. "What the fuck is going on?" I ask groggily. 

Brian laughs softly. "Well, that's one hell of a way to break any kind of a fucking mood." 

I look at him questioningly. "Mood?" 

"Yeah, it seems the three of us have a bit of a dilemma." 

I swallow hard. "I know, Brian. I'm so sorry I fucked up. I never meant for this to happen." The tears start brimming in my eyes. "Now I'm going to lose you and Daph. Fuck!" 

Brian's gaze is full of frustration and pain, but I see the wheels in his head turning, contemplating what will happen next. "Will you just shut the fuck up for a minute, Justin! I know why you did it, Daph told me. I'm not happy about it, but I understand how it happened." His voice softens and he caresses my cheek. "Now we need to fucking figure out what to do about it." 

I look over to my best friend "Daphne, what's going on?" 

She caresses my cheek and gently kisses it. "It seems I can't live without you, or Brian." 

I gulp and turn to Brian, a wicked spark dancing in his eyes as he shrugs his shoulders. "It seems I can't live with out you or Daphne," he sighs dramatically. "Now with that out of the way, how do you feel about it?" 

I look between my boyfriend and best friend. "You both are fucking with me, right?" 

It's then I see the seriousness in their eyes, and I can't help but repeat myself. "You're fucking with me right?" 

Brian scoots over to me and gently kisses me on the lips. "I am still pissed about walking in on your little fuckfest, but I.... Fuck! I love you and Daphne. You've both been here for me and I know…fuck…I know in my heart you didn't mean to hurt me last night. I want..." He stands up and paces the floor, running his fingers through his now shortened hair in frustration. Then he looks straight into my eyes. I want you to promise me you will never, and I mean never, ever pull a fucking shitty thing on me like that again." He turns to Daphne and says huskily. "That goes for you too. If you fuck I want to know about it. Hell, I want to be invited," he smirks with self satisfaction. 

Before I know it Daphne jumps off the bed and into Brian's arms, kissing him soundly on the lips. "I promise." I am in awe as I watch my best friend and boyfriend kiss passionately. When they break apart Brian grins at me. "So how about you, Sunshine?" 

I know what I want but I also know that I smell a little ripe. Without a second thought I get up and make my way to the bathroom. 

*****

Daphne's POV 

I can't help but chuckle at the uncertain look on Justin's face, but then I get concerned when he bolts to the bathroom. I look over to Brian and he raises his brow at me. All I can do is shrug my shoulders in reply. 

We both stand in awkward silence for a couple minutes staring at the bathroom door listening to the water running, I am a bit relieved when Brian reaches out and grabs my hand, squeezing it gently. "Maybe he needed to think about it." 

"Maybe we freaked him out." 

Brian laughs softly. "Maybe he had to jerk off," he says, tongue in cheek." 

"That's a possibility. I mean he was starting to sport a hard on" Then I look down and notice Brian is in the same state. 

Brian raises his brow. "You want to take care of that for me?" 

I can't help but laugh. "Oh, ever the romantic." 

He shrugs his shoulders. "It's your loss." 

Just at that moment Justin walks back into the room with a white towel wrapped around his waist. He smiles brightly and walks straight over to us, and without hesitation he wraps his hand around the back of Brian's neck, bringing him into a deep passionate kiss. He whispers, "I Promise," softly when he pulls back from the kiss. 

Brian rolls his lips into his mouth and then smiles softly. "My, my, Sunshine, that has to be the fastest shower anyone has ever taken and may I add that you taste minty fresh too." 

Justin blushes profusely. "I wanted to make sure I didn't smell too offensive before I promised anything." 


End file.
